Cactus & Coast Counseling Library: Books for Growth, Relationships, and Well-Being

As a therapist, I’ve found that the right books can be powerful tools for growth, both for parents and for the children (reference here for recommended children’s books on mental health).

In my office library, I keep a collection of books that focus on increasing confidence and mindfulness, raising emotionally healthy kids while fostering strong family connections, encouraging relationships to flourish, and helping parents show up with empathy, consistency, and courage.

Below is a selection of some of my favorites books in my library…

For Individuals: Health, Healing, & Growth

1. The Soul of Shame – Curt Thompson, MD
Excellent integration of neuroscience, attachment, and Christian faith. Especially helpful for anxiety, shame, and identity work.

2. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality – Peter Scazzero
A favorite for clients who feel spiritually “burned out” or disconnected from joy. Helps separate spiritual maturity from emotional suppression.

3. Try Softer – Aundi Kolber
Trauma-informed, grace-centered, and gentle. Particularly helpful for anxious, perfectionistic, or high-functioning clients.

4. Gentle and Lowly – Dane Ortlund
Not a clinical book, but powerful for reshaping attachment to God for clients struggling with fear, shame, or performance-based faith.

5. The Meaning of Marriage – Timothy Keller (Individual reflection sections)
Useful for individuals preparing for or reflecting on relational patterns within a Christian framework.

6. The Gift of Being Yourself – David Benner
Helpful for clients after becoming parents.

7. You Are What You Love – James K.A. Smith
Great for exploring habits, desires, and spiritual rhythms during busy parenting seasons.

8. Gentle and Lowly – Dane Ortlund
Reframes God’s character for clients experiencing shame or spiritual pressure.

9. Life of the Beloved – Henri Nouwen
Short, grounding, and identity-affirming — ideal for overwhelmed parents.

10. Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
A long-standing favorite that blends psychology and biblical principles—especially helpful for anxiety, people-pleasing, and relational burnout.

For Couples: Connection, Communication, & Attachment

1. The Meaning of Marriage – Timothy & Kathy Keller
Excellent theological depth paired with realistic relational dynamics. Great for premarital or couples therapy.

2. Sacred Marriage – Gary Thomas
Invites couples to view conflict and growth as part of spiritual formation—best paired with therapy for balance.

3. Hold Me Tight – Dr. Sue Johnson
Not explicitly Christian, but highly recommended for Christian couples when paired with faith discussions. Gold standard for attachment-based couples work.

4. Emotionally Healthy Relationships – Peter Scazzero
Strong practical tools for boundaries, communication, and emotional maturity within Christian relationships.

5. The Next Conversation - Jefferson Fisher
A communication guide that teaches practical strategies to improve relationships by focusing on connection over winning arguments, using a three-part system: "Say it with control, Say it with confidence, Say it to connect"

Parenting, Postpartum & Maternal Mental Health

1. Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts – Karen Kleiman
Helpful for postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and normalization.

2. Mothering with Courage – Bonnie Compton
Addresses anxiety, fear, and identity loss in motherhood through a grace-centered Christian lens.

3. Risen Motherhood – Emily Jensen & Laura Wifler
Helpful for identity integration in early motherhood without minimizing emotional struggle.

4. Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World – Kristen Welch
Balances faith, emotional regulation, and family values without fear-based parenting.

5. The Emotionally Healthy Woman – Geri Scazzero
Excellent for postpartum women navigating boundaries, resentment, and self-loss.

6. The Whole-Brain Child – Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
Highly effective for parents wanting neuroscience-informed strategies for emotional and relational development.

Parenting Emotional Health & Child Development

1. Raising Emotionally Strong Boys – David Thomas
Blends faith and emotional intelligence strategies for raising resilient boys.

2. Raising Worry-Free Girls – Sissy Goff
Faith-informed, CBT-adjacent guidance for supporting daughters’ emotional development.

3. Good Inside – Dr. Becky Kennedy
Connection‑focused parenting that nurtures emotional resilience and confidence.

4. The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting – Brené Brown
Parenting with courage, vulnerability, and wholeheartedness to raise emotionally healthy kids.

5. Hunt, Gather, Parent – Michaeleen Doucleff
Cross‑cultural insights on raising cooperative, confident, and independent children.

6. Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles – Paul David Tripp
Helpful for reflective parenting rather than control-based approaches.

7. Sacred Parenting – Gary Thomas
Best used alongside therapy to support growth without guilt.

Postpartum Marriage & Parenting Impact on Relationships

1. And Baby Makes Three – John Gottman
Strongly recommended for couples adjusting to parenthood.

2. Sacred Marriage – Gary Thomas
Useful when paired with therapy to prevent spiritualizing suffering or endurance.

3. Emotionally Healthy Relationships – Peter Scazzero
Strong emphasis on boundaries, communication, and emotional maturity during parenting seasons.

4. The Meaning of Marriage – Timothy & Kathy Keller
Helpful for couples navigating shifting roles, intimacy changes, and faith during parenting.

5. The Emotionally Healthy Woman – Geri Scazzero
Helpful for women navigating identity, resentment, and emotional load affecting desire.

Emotionally Healthy Intimacy

1. Come As You Are – Emily Nagoski, PhD
A must-read for understanding desire, arousal, and sexual wellbeing through a nervous-system lens. Excellent for anxiety, mismatch in desire, and shame reduction.

2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman
Not a sex manual, but foundational for emotional safety, trust, and connection — prerequisites for healthy sex.

4. Hold Me Tight – Dr. Sue Johnson
Attachment-based framework that directly improves sexual connection by strengthening emotional bonds.

5. The Great Sex Rescue – Sheila Wray Gregoire
Highly recommended for Christian couples healing from harmful or shame-based sexual teachings.

6. Intended for Pleasure – Ed & Gaye Wheat
A classic faith-based resource focused on mutuality and connection (best for couples without sexual trauma).

7. Loveology – John Mark Comer
Modern, thoughtful integration of faith, desire, intimacy, and emotional health.

8. Sheet Music – Kevin Leman
Practical and accessible, helpful for couples wanting to increase connection (use with discernment for rigid belief systems).

8. The Gift of Sex - Clifford L. Penner and Joyce Penner
A practical guide to reigniting intimacy in marriage, addressing common barriers and providing biblical insights for sexual fulfillment through the lens of psychology (Clifford is a licensed psychologist), biology (Joyce is a registered nurse) and theology.

9. Healing the Sexual Self – Sheila Wise Rowe
Excellent for couples or individuals addressing sexual shame, past wounds, or identity concerns within a faith context.

10. Unwanted – Jay Stringer
Faith-based, trauma-informed look at sexual behaviors, desire, and healing.

11. The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk
Not sex-specific, but critical for understanding how trauma impacts desire, arousal, and safety.

12. Sex Talks - Vanessa Marin
Helpful for couples wanting to better understand the psychological impact on connection/intimacy. Worksheets included in book.

Christian Faith & Mental Health

1. Anatomy of the Soul – Curt Thompson, MD
Understanding brain, attachment, trauma, and spiritual formation.

2. The Soul of Shame – Curt Thompson, MD
Highly recommended for postpartum clients struggling with guilt, identity loss, or perfectionism.

3. Try Softer – Aundi Kolber
Excellent for anxious, overwhelmed parents; trauma-informed and grace-centered.

4. Healing the Wounds of Trauma – Dan Allender
Validates pain while integrating faith — best for clients with trauma histories.

5. Healing the Wounds of Trauma – Daniel Allender
A classic faith-based trauma text that validates suffering while avoiding spiritual bypassing.

6. Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering – Timothy Keller
Helpful for grief, chronic illness, infertility, or seasons of prolonged distress.