Sound Relationship House: Questions to Grow Closer Together
Every relationship needs a strong foundation, especially when life gets overwhelming. The Gottman Institute, known for its decades of relationship research, developed a simple yet powerful framework called the Sound Relationship House to help couples understand what makes love last.
Whether you're just starting out or have been together for decades, this model offers practical guidance for connection, communication, and long-term love.
What is the Sound Relationship House?
The Sound Relationship House is a visual model developed by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Imagine your relationship as a house with 7 floors, each representing a skill or habit that keeps love strong. The structure is supported by trust and commitment—two essential beams that hold everything together.
Here’s a quick look at each level:
Build Love Maps – Get to know your partner’s world: their inner thoughts, worries, dreams, and favorite things.
Share Fondness and Admiration – Express appreciation and respect daily.
Turn Toward Instead of Away – Choose connection over disconnection during everyday moments.
The Positive Perspective – Look for the good in each other and in your relationship.
Manage Conflict – Address disagreements gently and constructively.
Make Life Dreams Come True – Support each other’s aspirations and goals.
Create Shared Meaning – Build a relationship culture with rituals, roles, and shared values.
Why It Matters
Research shows that happy, lasting couples don’t avoid conflict—they repair, reconnect, and build intentional habits of friendship and shared meaning. The Sound Relationship House gives language and structure to these habits.
Now, let’s make it practical.
Reflection Questions for Couples
Use these questions as a weekly or monthly check-in. You can answer them independently and then share with each other, or use them as prompts for a connection date.
1. Build Love Maps
Tell me something new about you that I might not know yet — surprise me!
What’s one stress or worry you’ve got tucked away that I might be missing?
What’s one little thing I can do this week to make your life easier or brighter?
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
What do you think I secretly (or not so secretly) admire most about you right now?
When was the last time I made you feel truly appreciated?
What’s a small thing you do that makes me smile?
3. Turn Toward Instead of Away
Can you remember a time recently when I totally missed your “hey, connect with me!” signal?
How do you wish I’d respond when you reach out emotionally? (I’m all ears!)
What’s one fun or easy way we can create more “us” moments every day?
4. The Positive Perspective
When things get tricky, what keeps you hopeful about “us”?
What little things help you feel emotionally safe and connected with me?
How do you think we show kindness and grace when life throws curveballs?
5. Manage Conflict
Is there a bumpy topic we keep circling that you wish we could handle with more softness?
What helps you feel like we bounce back after a disagreement — and what doesn’t?
When we’re at odds, what’s one thing you need from me to feel understood?
6. Make Life Dreams Come True
What’s a dream or goal you have that I haven’t checked in on lately?
How can I be your biggest cheerleader for your personal goals right now?
What’s a shared dream we could start chasing together — even in tiny steps?
7. Create Shared Meaning
What little rituals or habits make us feel like “team us”?
What values or ideas do you think we hold close as a couple?
What makes you feel like we’re in this together — all the way?
Relationships grow not by default, but by design. The Sound Relationship House helps you build with intention—brick by brick, moment by moment.
Set aside 30–60 minutes to reflect on these questions this week. Pour some coffee, take a walk, or write your answers down. You may be surprised how much connection can grow just from pausing and being curious about each other again.
