A Compassionate Guide for Processing Loss

Grief is not linear, predictable, or confined to a single moment in time. While we often associate grief with loss that has already occurred, many people experience anticipatory grief - the emotional pain and mourning that happens before a loss.

This may arise when facing:

• A loved one’s serious or terminal illness

• Progressive decline due to dementia or chronic illness

• Impending divorce or relationship changes

• Job loss, relocation, or identity shifts

• Major life transitions where “what was” is already slipping away

Anticipatory Grief: Grieving Before the Loss Occurs

Anticipatory grief involves mourning a loss that hasn’t fully happened yet - but feels inevitable. It can bring complicated emotions, including sadness, guilt, fear, anger, and even moments of relief. Many people struggle with self-judgment here, telling themselves they “shouldn’t” grieve yet. Anticipatory grief is real grief.

You may notice:

• Grieving future moments you know will change

• Feeling emotionally exhausted before the loss occurs

• Guilt for feeling sadness, anger, or relief “too soon”

Reflection Questions:

• What am I already grieving right now?

• What fears feel most present about what’s ahead?

• How can I give myself permission to feel this without judgment?

Anticipatory grief can coexist with love, hope, and presence, it does not diminish them.

The Five Stages of Grief, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are best understood not as steps to complete, but as common emotional responses to loss, real or anticipated. You may move in and out of these stages, revisit them, or experience several at once.

There is no timeline. There is no right way. There is only your way.

The 5 Stages of Grief

1. Denial: “This can’t be happening”

Denial can appear as shock, numbness, or emotional distance. In anticipatory grief, denial may look like clinging to hope that things will stay the same, even when reality suggests otherwise.

You may notice:

• Avoiding conversations about the future

• Feeling disconnected or on autopilot

• Minimizing the seriousness of the situation

Reflection Questions:

• What parts of this situation feel hardest to accept right now?

• Where might denial be protecting me?

• What small truth feels safe enough to acknowledge today?

2. Anger: “Why is this happening?”

Anger often surfaces when the unfairness of loss becomes undeniable. In anticipatory grief, anger may be directed at time, circumstances, the body, medical systems, or even oneself.

You may notice:

• Irritability or emotional reactivity

• Resentment toward others who don’t “get it”

• Guilt about feeling angry while the person or situation is still present

Reflection Questions:

• What feels most unfair about this situation?

• Who or what am I angry with?

• What unmet need might my anger be pointing to?

3. Bargaining: “If only…”

Bargaining reflects a longing for control and relief from pain. In anticipatory grief, it often includes mental negotiations about the future.

You may notice:

• “What if” and “If only” thinking

• Replaying past decisions or imagining different outcomes

• Trying to mentally prepare for every possible scenario

Reflection Questions:

• What do I wish I could change or prevent?

• Where am I trying to regain control?

• How can I practice compassion toward myself in this uncertainty?

4. Depression

This stage reflects the emotional heaviness of acknowledging both current and future loss. It does not mean you are giving up, it means the grief is being felt.

You may notice:

• Persistent sadness or emotional fatigue

• Withdrawal or low motivation

• A sense of mourning moments that haven’t yet passed

Reflection Questions:

• What feels heaviest for me right now?

• What support do I need in this season?

• How can I care for my body and nervous system today?

If sadness feels overwhelming or interferes with daily functioning, professional support can provide grounding and relief.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance in grief doesn’t mean readiness or peace with what’s coming. It often looks like learning how to live fully in the present while knowing loss is ahead.

You may notice:

• Greater emotional steadiness

• Increased intentionality and presence

• A desire to savor moments while they are here

Reflection Questions:

• What matters most to me right now?

• How do I want to show up in this season?

• What memories, values, or meaning do I want to carry forward?

You may grieve before, during, and long after a loss. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, or isolated, therapy can offer a supportive space to process grief at your own pace, without pressure to “be strong” or “stay positive.” You don’t have to navigate it alone.

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Grief & Loss Resources

Immediate Support

If you or someone you love is experiencing thoughts of self-harm or feeling unsafe:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988 (24/7)

• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741

• If outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com for international crisis support

Educational Resources

• What’s Your Grief - Evidence-informed articles, worksheets, and podcasts on grief, anticipatory grief, and complicated loss
  Website: whatsyourgrief.com

• The Dougy Center - Resources for children, teens, parents, and caregivers navigating grief.
  dougy.org

• National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC) - Education and community-based resources focused on supporting grieving children and families
  childrengrieve.org

• Center for Loss & Life Transition (David Kessler) - Articles, videos, and meaning-centered grief work, including anticipatory grief.
  grief.com

Books for Grief & Loss

For Adults

• On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler

• Finding Meaning by David Kessler

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine

• The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

For Anticipatory Grief & Caregiving

• Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

• The Art of Losing by Kevin Young

• The Long Goodbye by Meghan O’Rourke

For Children

• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

• When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown

• The Memory Box by Joanna Rowland

Support Groups & Community

• GriefShare - Faith-based grief support groups offered nationwide and online
  griefshare.org

• The Compassionate Friends - Support for parents and families grieving the loss of a child
  compassionatefriends.org

• Soaring Spirits International - Support and community for individuals grieving the loss of a spouse or partner
  soaringspirits.org

Podcasts & Media

• Terrible, Thanks for Asking – Honest conversations about grief and loss

• Grief Out Loud – Stories and expert perspectives on navigating grief

• Everything Happens – Faith, grief, and resilience conversations

Therapeutic Practices

• Journaling prompts focused on grief processing

• Movement practices (gentle movement, breathwork, grounding)

• Memory-making rituals (letters, anniversaries, legacy projects)

• Mindfulness for grief apps such as Insight Timer (grief-specific meditations available)