Together, By Design: Faith-Based Questions to Navigate Emotional & Physical Intimacy
Introduction & Purpose
Exploring Intimacy with Faith, Intention, and Respect
Sexual intimacy is a sacred and beautiful part of marriage—designed by God to foster closeness, joy, and unity between spouses. Yet for many couples, talking about sex can feel awkward, intimidating, or even shame-inducing. Whether shaped by upbringing, past experiences, cultural silence, or wounds around sexuality, many partners struggle to name their needs, desires, or boundaries in ways that feel safe and honoring.
A “Sex Menu” is a structured, pressure-free tool designed to help couples talk openly and honestly about emotional and physical intimacy. The term "menu" frames intimacy as some things are always on the table, some are occasionally appealing, and some are never an option. The playful metaphor encourages non-judgmental exploration and reduces the pressure of having to say “yes” or “no” in the moment. This intervention has been encouraged by researchers and theories including: Emily Nagoski, Gottman Method, Dr. John and Julie Gottman, Trauma Informed Care, Dr. Lori Brotto and Dr. Michael Metz, E. Sandra Byers and Stephanie Demmons, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and more! It invites both partners to explore:
What helps them feel loved, connected, and pursued
What kinds of touch or experiences feel good or meaningful
What boundaries should be respected
What faith and spirituality have to say about intimacy and trust
Faith-Based Foundations
This resource is tailored and grounded in the belief that sexual connection in marriage is a gift from God—not just for physical pleasure, but for building emotional closeness, trust, and unity. Scripture teaches that our bodies are sacred (1 Cor. 6:19-20) and that mutual love and care are core to healthy intimacy (Eph. 5:21-33). Exploring sex within a covenant relationship can be both playful and holy—an act of vulnerability, joy, and love.
Couples are encouraged to approach this tool with humility, curiosity, and grace. There are no “right” answers—just an invitation to listen well, speak gently, and honor one another.
Clinical Grounding
From a clinical perspective, strong sexual communication is one of the most reliable predictors of marital and sexual satisfaction (Byers & Demmons, 1999; Hertlein & Weeks, 2007). Therapists and researchers agree that being able to express preferences, boundaries, and desires in a safe environment increases emotional trust, physical pleasure, and long-term relationship resilience.
This guide can be used in therapy, at home, or in a counseling or premarital setting. It’s particularly helpful for couples navigating:
Desire differences
Mismatched expectations
Religious shame around sex
Life transitions (e.g., postpartum, parenting, aging)
Rebuilding after hurt or disconnection
Safety Disclaimer
This resource is intended for couples in mutually respectful, safe, and consensual relationships. It is not appropriate for use where there is abuse, coercion, or fear.
Sexual intimacy should never be pressured, manipulated, or used as a means of control. If your relationship includes threats, emotional or physical harm, or fear of your partner’s reactions, please seek support.
You are not alone. Help is available. Contact a licensed therapist or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.
Emotional Starters
Building connection before physical intimacy
What helps you feel most emotionally connected to your partner?
What kind of non-sexual touch do you enjoy (e.g., holding hands, back rubs)?
What are your favorite ways to feel pursued or desired?
When do you feel most secure and seen in your relationship?
Faith Reflection:
In what ways do you see physical intimacy as an expression of God’s design for unity and love in your marriage?
Mutual Desires
Exploring what brings pleasure, connection, and closeness
What kinds of physical touch are a turn-on for you?
Are there things you've been curious about but haven’t shared yet?
What feels emotionally safe and what doesn’t during sex?
Are there past experiences (positive or negative) that shape how you approach intimacy?
Faith Reflection:
How can we honor each other’s bodies and boundaries as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19–20)?
How does intimacy in marriage reflect covenantal love and mutual sacrifice (Eph 5:21–33)?
Playful Possibilities
Creative ways to keep things fun, fresh, and joyful
Are there scenarios, settings, or themes that you find exciting?
How do you feel about incorporating other things into intimacy?
Is there a something you’d like to try together?
Faith Reflection:
How can playfulness in intimacy be a celebration of joy and freedom within the safety of a marital covenant?
Boundaries
Honoring limits with love, respect, and care
What activities, language, or touch are definite “no’s” for you?
Are there emotional triggers you want your partner to be aware of?
How will you communicate “stop” or “slow down” if needed?
Faith Reflection:
How can we reflect God’s character of gentleness and respect by honoring each other’s limits and communicating well?
Reconnection
Staying close emotionally and spiritually after intimacy
How do you like to feel cared for or reassured after intimacy?
What helps you emotionally reconnect if there’s tension?
Are there spiritual practices (e.g., prayer, gratitude, cuddling in silence) that feel meaningful after sex?
Faith Reflection:
How might you invite God into the healing, joy, or vulnerability of your intimate experiences together?
